happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
