We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
