I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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