Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
