ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
