I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
