theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
