Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
