Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize