I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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