I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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