she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
