good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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