i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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