with your own penis?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
