Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
