I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
