There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
