i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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