My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
