The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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