Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
