At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
