i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
