i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
