I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
