You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
