Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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