After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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