who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
