does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
