i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
