Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
