Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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