I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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