how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
