I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
