things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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