it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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