Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
