i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
