I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
