one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
