my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
NoShamevember. You game?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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