Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
