WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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