You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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