She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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