I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
