Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
