I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
