this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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