Swine flu is the new snow day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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