We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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